So, the old saying goes that in business you can’t have things that are cheap, quick and good. You have to only pick three of them – if you want them quick and good, you gotta pay. If you can’t pay, it is going to take a long time, or not be done well. I applied this framework to my life a while ago. I said that I would like to be healthy (eat nourishing, home cooked meals and work out twice a day), pretty (nails done, hair dried, smart clothes) and smart (excel at work). But, I found I always had to pick two: if I was putting in all my hours at work, then in was early morning and late afternoon gym times, and I simply did not have time to style my hair and do my make up. If I was dressing myself smartly, and painting my nails I had to go home from the gym (which cut into my work time) or not cook dinner every night. I had to pick two, and I picked smart and healthy – I spend a lot of my time looking a mess (I gave a presentation in mismatched shoes on Thursday…). I told my friend David this on a hike, and he came to me and said that he had been thinking about what I said it essentially came down to:

You can’t do everything.

Along those lines, when I was crazy busy with my first grant submission, writing papers and working out up to 3 hours a day (I am so over that now), the same David said I was pushing too much: something would have to give, and he asked it not to be me. Well, it is good advice. Until last Sunday I was super busy: pushing it at work, working out every morning and evening, being hyper careful with my diet, balancing cooking, fish keeping, cleaning and so on in with all of that. It worked, it was good. Then my boyfriend proposed and long story short: we ended up with 3 months to plan a full wedding from scratch, for about $5,000 (£3,000) total (ceremony, venue, clothes, food, alcohol, rings, the works). Then I got my K99 score back, and it looks like I could have a great shot at a resubmission BUT I need to really work not to miss this opportunity: I need to get CVD publications, I need to get some gene papers together and I need to work on writing and selling my Science. In about 3-6 months.

Don’t get me wrong: I am joyfully happy and loving it. I love making strides at work, and thrive off success and a certain amount of pressure. Planning a wedding is fun and my fiance is super helpful and involved. But this first part is extremely time consuming. We need to move stat on a venue, a cake, a dress, the catering and a basic plan. It just takes time to trawl the internet, take notes, visit bridal shops, visit places and people and put the bones together. While getting these papers out. And preparing my presentation for the AHA Young Investigator competition in which I am one of 6 finalists. It’s fun, but I quickly got very run down. After the 6th day straight of an upset stomach (that ended up keeping me up all night), and pale skin I am tapping out. My priority is work, the next is getting this wedding together. Weight lifting, eating salad, and getting the cardio in is going to have to wait a minute, in favour of doing those and actually having some down time for my sanity. We’ve come to Florida where I can read my trashy novel, write my presentations and manuscript proposals, spend some time with my kitt-ehs (yes, they came on the road trip, they get the same privileges as the dog!) and not think about health. Tapping out is the point in a UFC fight in which one of the fighters taps the ground twice to indicate they don’t want to go on and concede the fight. Either it is maturity, or the David effect, but this time I am tapping out of trying to do everything. I skipped the gym on Friday (partially due to not having held on to any food for so long). Last night I drank a bottle of wine. Today I had TOAST for breakfast with my omelet, and a subway sandwich for lunch. I am just back from eating a waffle cone ice cream at the beach. No run today in favour of just sitting on the beach and splashing, although I will go back to the gym in Alabama. It’s doing me and my mind a world of good.

Oh, and don’t get me wrong – I have had so many genuine offers of help (which I am happily utilizing) and some wonderful support, especially from my buddy Holly who has answered 75000 emails about dresses with a lot of understanding and patience. But, when the presentation is done, and the manuscript proposals are written, and the venue booked and the cake, catering and dress ordered, and the invites out: well, then we’ll work on getting that bench press back over 120lb and the body fat back below 17%.

Till then *taps out*.